This takes place six months after my storm broke full force in my life.
I’m standing in the hallway between bath and dining room and all of a sudden an intense hunger for the one with whom I had spent the last twenty- five years married to washes over me. Why? That eternal question fills my mind and I say it softly, then repeat it several times. Why?…The tears come, the pain tears at my heart and I can’t move. Slowly, I move to the table, sit down and look around the room at the rich brown trim, the crown molding, the old layout, the doors and rooms speaking of another time and day. Then it comes to me like dawn awakening, I like it here because this is one area in which we clicked, we fit. Our love of old homes, in spite of their shortcomings and immense amount of work. We were willing to “make do” or “live with it,” because we both loved the old ways that spoke of our grandparents. “A happy time in our life?”, perhaps.
Now I share it alone. The question Why? returns and I know it has a million responses and none at the same time. It won’t help to know why because what is done is done. My pain comes from loss, not from any hurt inflicted on me. I was betrayed, many times it would seem, but that is no fault of mine. Fault rests with those who deceive. I can forgive that, Christ forgave me, God lives in me and He has my heart. Forgiveness used to come hard for me because I took everything personally as if I was exempt or above receiving the hurt or deceit. But I am no better than any other and certainly not my Lord. I ask rather, that God forgive those who do not fully realize what they do.
My reading this day is from James 1:19-21 …everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry…Get rid of all moral filth, evil that is prevalent…humbly accept the Word (God’s Word) planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word,…(that) will deceive you. Do what it says.
This helps to know what action to take and what action to avoid. Be quick to listen – be a listener. Be slow to speak – think after you listen. Be slow to become angry. If we listen carefully, think on it, we are not responding immediately, and there would be less chance of misunderstanding or mis-communication which often leads to anger.
Action: rid yourself of moral filth, books, movies, thoughts, pictures, anything that would not be in line with God’s Word. Rid yourself of evil found so easily in the world – anything driven by hate or self-seeking. Accept God’s Word through listening and doing. Listening only is deceitful because we listen , we speak but we do not act, we do not truly embrace it and make it ours or we would show it by our actions.
Lord, help me to first be quick to listen and slow to speak or react. This is hard for me, I am practicing it daily. Please continue to remind me of what I must do. Let my actions show my reliance on you.
NOTE: For background on this post go to Storm Story tab.